We are all familiar with the biblical quote, “it is more blessed to give than receive.”
“No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.” ― Charles Dickens
Don’t get me wrong, I wholeheartedly believe that being of service to those in need, spreading love and kindness, and sharing our unique brilliance brings out the best in us as human beings.
Giving and receiving is a two way street, yet we’ve been taught to overvalue one over the other tipping the scales out of balance. As a result, most never fully develop their receiving muscles and fall short on their ability to accept.
Why is this important?
“Giving is enhanced when receiving is embraced”, says Amanda Owen author of The Power of Receiving: A Revolutionary Approach to Giving Yourself the Life You Want and Deserve.
Have you ever given something to someone and they brushed it off as nothing? Even if this was done unconsciously, it may have left you feeling disappointed or undervalued.
“Gracious acceptance is an art – an art which most never bother to cultivate. We think that we have to learn how to give, but we forget about accepting things, which can be much harder than giving…. Accepting another person’s gift is allowing him to express his feelings for you.” ― Alexander McCall Smith, Love Over Scotland
Women in particular fall short in this area because society teaches us to take care of others first. Heck, most of us have trouble receiving a simple compliment. “Oh this old thing, I got it on sale.” Or, “It was nothing”, even though you may have moved mountains to make something miraculous happen.
I think it is safe to say that we have mastered the art of giving. Now we need to put our focus on receiving with grace and gratitude.
“Until we can receive with an open heart, we’re never really giving with an open heart. When we attach judgment to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgment to giving help.” ― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are
Another reason is that over giving can leave us feeling depleted, unbalanced, or resentful. Nurturing your receptive power is your birthright, not something you have to earn.
In her second book, Born to Receive 7 Powerful Steps Women Can Take Today to Reclaim Their Half of the Universe, Amanda Owen shares that most women have never considered receiving as healthy and positive and the consequences of not receiving include the following:
Emotionally, you feel unappreciated.
Physically, you feel exhausted.
Mentally, you feel resentful.
Spiritually, you feel depleted.
She likens this to having a gate that swings only one way. Owen shares, “To receive is to accept willingly. When someone pays you a compliment, your own opinion about yourself in the moment does not matter. Giving and receiving together is a circle of energy, of activity and receptivity. It is a natural exchange that is reflected in all of nature, in our biology, and in our psychology.”
Giving and Receiving occurs all around us.
She goes on, “A flower does not need to feel good about itself to attract a butterfly. A cell does not have a receptor because it is confident. A listener can be receptive no matter what she is feeling in the moment. Receiving is not dependent upon your opinion of yourself.”
“When you push away a compliment instead of receiving it, you are doing something that is unnatural. The ripple effects of that refusal have consequences in all areas of your life.” says Own.
Receiving graciously is a true act of love, to both the giver and receiver. While this may be a natural exchange, it doesn’t come easy for most of us.
“Are you comfortable and willing to be of service to others, but find it difficult to receive the same in return? Why are people so quick to resist receiving, even when they need the help? Your ability to receive not only opens the space for great things to enter your life, but it returns a gift of grace to the giver.” ― Susan C. Young
We need to shift our mindset to one that says it is better to give AND receive.
“Giving opens the way for receiving“. – Florence Scovel Shinn
So how do we strengthen our receiving muscles? How do we make the gate swing both ways? Here are a few tips:
- Turn on your receptors. Learn the language of receiving.
- Pay attention to your feelings and trust your intuition.
- Get clear on what you want.
- Ask for help when you need it, and accept it when it’s offered.
- Speak up and advocate for your own needs. No one knows better than you.
- Receive with an open heart. Be grateful. Say thank you.
- Don’t put yourself last or you will not last.
- Read either of Amanda Owen’s books
Be generous with your heart. Give love AND receive love because love grows when you share it. We need love. The planet needs love. The well of love is never dry. So drink it up. There’s plenty for all, with whipped cream and a cherry on top.
The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.
It truly is better to give and receive.
