Lorraine Smith Health Coach

The other day I realized I was struck with a bit of FOMO. Seeing so many cool events happening on Facebook and reading about all the fun people were having made me feel as if I was missing out on something. I found myself trying to do it all, trying to squeeze more into my already packed life and I was getting zapped.

Wikipedia describes fear of missing out, or FOMO, as “a pervasive apprehension that others might be having rewarding experiences from which one is absent”. It can occur when we think we are not in-the-know or we’ll miss out on a social event, experience, or interaction. People who grapple with FOMO might not know exactly what they are missing but still hold a fear (or emptiness) that others are having a much better time or a much more rewarding experience then they are.

This acronym has even found it’s place in the English Oxford Living Dictionary that describes FOMO as “anxiety that an exciting or interesting event may currently be happening elsewhere, often aroused by posts seen on social media.”

FOMO can also stem from a sense of duty or striving to get ahead. We may feel obligated to support a colleague or friend or may want to obtain knowledge or mastery at something new. We see something that someone else has or has achieved and we want that too. Insert scene from When Harry Met Sally here….”I’ll have what she’s having” 😉

As this article from Forbes states, “studies have shown that FOMO is often linked to feelings of disconnection and dissatisfaction, and that social media fuels it. Think how many people constantly scan email or Facebook to keep up with friends’ updates. Some people don’t just want to keep up – they start to compare and evaluate their lives based on how they see others portraying their own.”

Comparing ourselves to others is very risky business. I wrote a blog about the downside of comparison HERE. When we compare ourselves to others we are essentially saying to ourselves I am wrong and must be more like someone else in order to be worthy of love and belonging. Hogwash! And quite frankly, it is exhausting and overwhelming.

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” – Oscar Wilde

However, it’s easy to see how FOMO and comparison can contribute to another quote from Oscar Wilde, “Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.”

Here are some questions we can ask ourselves…

• Has the fear of missing out invaded my decision making process?

• Has the fear of missing out taken up residence in the front seat?

• Is it driving me to do things I don’t really want to because I think I may miss out on something?

• Is FOMO influencing us to make choices that are not in alignment with our true heart and soul desire?

There are so many opportunities knocking on our door – classes, meet-ups, events, parties, activities, webinars, programs, clubs, the latest book, movie or restaurant – and social media brings them to the center of our attention. While it can feel tempting to do them all, we need to be discerning about how we spend our time. If we stretch ourselves too thin by doing things based on the FOMO, we can end up feeling depleted and out of alignment with our own north star.

Fortunately, there is a new acronym emerging on the scenes – JOMO.  In this refreshing post from the Whole Life Challenge website titled FOMO vs. JOMO: How to Embrace the Joy of Missing Out, author Michelle Manskie shares “……..fear of missing out can compel us to do things we don’t enjoy. JOMO, on the other hand, encourages us to understand what we want, why we want it, and how we’re feeling in the present moment. It directs our energy and time into the activities that truly engage us. Regardless of what we do or don’t do, it’s the intention behind those choices that’s important.”

When we learn to tune into what we want, we can then consciously choose how to spend our time and energy and stay aligned with our heart and soul desire. This takes letting go of FOMO and embracing our own needs and desires. It takes following the beat of your own drum.

“You did not come here to be normal, you came here to be you.” – Robert Holden

If we let FOMO rule our decisions we lose connection with our inner wisdom.

Staying connected to our innate wisdom is sometimes easier said than done because many of us have forgotten how to hear the whispers of our souls. Ask yourself, if I can do anything without having to be concerned about time or money, what would it be? What brings me joy? What are those activities that I can get lost in because it feels like time stands still when I am emerged in doing them? Take time to explore these questions. Here’s a hint, it is usually something that comes so natural to you and is typically creative.

Here’s what you can do to reconnect the next time you feel FOMO creeping in –

Take a deep full grounding breath and exhale fully. On you next inhale, feel yourself reconnecting to YOUR inner wisdom. As you continue to stay tuned to your breath, ask yourself….

• Is this event aligned with my heart and soul desire?
• Does the thought of participating in this event make my heart sing?
• Is FOMO driving my decision?
• Does saying no feel like a relief?
• Is this a definite yes?

If the answer is not a yes, then it is simply a no. I absolutely love this filter and use it often. Remember, it is okay for you to say no. When you do, you are saying YES to YOU!!

“Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Appreciate your friends. Continue to learn. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is.” – Mary Anne Radmacher